Introduction to the Life of JoJo..Future Doctor, Dog Lover, and Adventurer
Hello, my name is Joanna Yoon. I am a student of the University of Oklahoma. I am a junior majoring in biology pre-medicine. I am also minoring in chemistry and Spanish. I chose biology pre-medicine as my major for my dream job, a neonatal doctor. When I was in high school, I volunteered for two years in the neonatal intensive care unit at Integris Hospital. It was then I realized that I wanted to do more for these babies. At a young age, these babies were already facing complications, and I wanted to be the doctor who made them healthy. Currently, I volunteer at Norman Regional Hospital and a free clinic called Manos Juntas. Along with volunteering, I work two jobs. I work at Charlestons in Norman on weekends as a server and a lab technician at the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation on weekdays. To take a break from all this work, I have a dog. He is an Australian Shepherd whose name is Rocky after my favorite rapper A$AP Rocky. I got him last summer, and it’s been quite a jour...
Hey Jojo, I just want to start off by saying that I absolutely loved your story. There were many aspects about it that I truly enjoyed. The first thing I want to mention and applaud you for is your superb use of dialogue. This made the whole story extremely captivating and fun to read. The dialog didn't just make the story more interactive, it also allowed for a greater understanding of the characters. This leads me to the second point I want to touch up on. I really liked the back story you provided for the characters. The crocodile in the original story definitely did not awaken any sense empathy the way your story did. The fact that the crocodile had a relatively "good" reason for trying to trick the monkey and the fact that he never actually went through with it makes him a much more likable character The last thing I want to say is that I really enjoyed the character of the monkey. Instead of being spiteful like the monkey in the original story, this monkey was forgiving. Overall it was a great story. I think it would have been fun to explore the way the kids transitioned between meat and fruits. Also, I think you could have touched on if they ever ate meat again or if they just switched their nourishment to fruits. Other than that dope story.
ReplyDeleteHey hey Jojo,, I want to start off by saying that I clicked on your story because your name is Jojo, and I thoroughly enjoy Jojo's bizarre adventure. I liked the dialogue in the story, I didn't need to read who was saying what, because I could immediately tell who was saying what based on motivation. I also enjoyed the character's behavior. Everyone is understandable, the son is hungry and allows this to cloud his judgement, while the crocodile is reluctant but does not want to see his son hungry, and the monkey remains generally virtuous. Nobody has to hold an idiot ball, and that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThe only real complaint that I have is not directed at your story in particular, but rather fables in general. Because fables focus on morals, they are unable to focus on characters, complex plots, or any complexity really. Anyways, good job loved your story so proud, have fun.
Hi Jojo,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story, I think I read this previously but I can't remember if I commented on the original or not. Anyway, I like that you gave the Crocodile more of a moral dilemma. Did you consider expanding his inner struggle more? Maybe showing that he is trying to find a different way but runs out of time. Maybe his son starts to feel sick. I think that would add a bit more of a plot line (because I have the same complaint about Fables as Eric does) and make the story a bit longer. I really couldn't come up with much to suggest for this story.
I think that your writing is great, I like that you gave a reason for the lack of food in the swamp and the mother's sacrifice. I am looking forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey Jojo.
ReplyDeleteYour story was really good! I felt so bad for the crocodile and his family. I sympathized so hard because I could not imagine watching my future kids go hungry. It is such a difficult choice, eating your friend and feeding your kids, or watch your kids starve. I love how their was an option to be truthful to the monkey and in the end everyone was saved. I love stories like yours. I agree with previous comments about your story. It would be nice to have more plot involved in the story, making it more complex and allow characters to develop. It would be cool to here more about the monkey as well. Maybe to make the story a little longer you could also look from the monkey's perspective, getting a few different perspectives from the same story! Overall, I thought your story was nice and a great read.
Howdy Jojo,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wanted to talk about your website. The design and layout are great. I also really loved your banner images. Overall, the website is very eye appealing.
For your stories, I feel like you put a more modern spin on them, which I really like. I prefer to read things that are more modern and easier for me to relate to. I think in Story 1 you could add more of the monkey's perspective through the whole scene of the monkey and the crocodile. Other than that, I found Story 1 amusing. Story 2 was my personal favorite, I really like Sita and Rama's story and have rewritten bits and pieces of it myself. I really loved that you made Sita a strong woman rather than an object. I do not have any specific suggestions, but maybe you would consider putting more of a timeline to how long it took Rama to see Sita for who she was, or maybe add in details about what Sita did to allow Rama to get to know her. Overall, your portfolio had two entertaining stories.
Hello Jojo! I honestly just enjoy reading anything that involves Rama and Sita. In every story I have read or wrote was mostly referring back to those two. I love how you had Rama love and cherish Sita for the women she is; usually she is just seen as a property. And you also made Sita a very strong woman who knows her values and worth. I like how you kept the story the same but only change the traits of Rama and Sita. Also, I enjoyed reading your story, but it was a little short, so I wished you added more to it! For example, maybe you could have added more details about what Rama did to agree to marry him or how long did it take for them to marry. Overall, good job on your story!
ReplyDeleteHey Jojo, I just finished reading your second story and I really liked it. I think this is the second story of yours that I have read and I really like the way you retell the stories and how your style comes through. The more time I spend on your page I realize how much I enjoy the way you formatted your page. The classic black text on white background makes it very easy to read, and the pictures that you pick make it more unique. Apart from that, like your first story, this story was a pleasure to read. I love the way you started it with some humor. I bet Rama is not used to women standing up to him, so I really liked the fact that Sita did and that she talked about other things besides her beauty. And the fact that this theme carried on throughout the whole story was a very pleasant surprise. Something I didn't love about the original text was how Sita was a lesser character and I like how you based your whole retelling on Sita taking front and center of the story. The way this relatively small change affected the story in such a grand way was really awesome.
ReplyDeleteNice story, Jojo. I like your modern, feminist twist on how Rama and Sita met. It gives Sita more of a role in their relationship, that is, that they wouldn't even have a relationship if she was just to be considered a prize. I can imagine her frustration when she was announced as the prize of the tournament, at the END of the tournament. It's like her father doesn't see her as a real person, much less his daughter. I guess the view toward women was different back then. One problem I had with that though, was if her father didn't announce the prize, then who would actually participate? Maybe as a show of strength...?
ReplyDeleteHi Jojo, I love the feminist twist. I like how Sita is not just acting for herself, but explaining why- highlighting the problems with being objectified. It seems like in the Ramayana we didn't even really hear anything about Sita (her thoughts, feelings, etc.) just how she was treated. I think the only suggestion I have is adding more details. I don't think your story NEEDS it because it is quite coherent, but it can make the story more vivid and personal. It helps the reader visualize what is happening, and have a better understanding of the time lapse. Like, was this over a course of a week or a month? If only a week, it would make sense why Sita would not want to get married also. Another idea (I'm just trying to give some specific ideas) would be changing perspectives. Possibly telling one story from Sita's perspective (like first-person) and then another Rama. Just little things like that, but overall it was a great read and I look forward to more!
ReplyDeleteHi Jojo, Really enjoyed you take on the story of Rama and Sita falling in love! I agree with Maya'a comment above and how you gave it a powerful female twist. There is a theme among some of the stories and portfolios written by the girls in this class including myself and that is to give the women in the epics more of a voice. I liked how you gave her dad a soft protective personality to him. He will do anything in hopes to make his daughters life good. I would love to hear your perspective on the remainder of Sita's and Rama's relationship. Do you plan on expanding on it? Would be sweet to hear about their marriage and more in your prospective while keeping a strong woman theme.
ReplyDeleteHey Jojo, I really enjoyed the twists you incorporated into both of your stories thus far! I hope you continue to do that for you final stories, I think it ties all the tales together nicely with a common theme. I agree with you that some of these stories seem to have somewhat outdated morals to them, especially in Rama and Sita's love story. Teaching the father a lesson about treating women as equals and having Rama show true interest in Sita as a human, not just as a pretty thing to own, worked really well in this story. Your page is also very easy to navigate and you picked a good, easy to read font. I really like that for your "Desperate Times" story you included images of the crocodile and the monkey, I think that perhaps including a depiction of Sita as the cover for your next story would be an effective way to clue into the contents of this next story! One thing that did confuse me a little was when you mentioned that the monkey in your first story was Buddha. Perhaps you could establish that earlier in the plot, that way there's more at stake if the monkey is eaten and we can understand why the monkey is so compassionate! I really enjoyed reading your project, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi~
ReplyDeleteI liked the images you chose for the headers. The geometric shapes on the home page gave a feel of curiosity, the alligator for 'Desperate Times' showed a sneak peak into what the story would be about, and the pink for 'Rama and Sita's Love Story' had a nice ambience.
Many times when reading 'Rama and Sita's Love Story' I found myself going back and forth between completely disagreeing with a character's statement to thinking maybe there was some validity in another. It kind of made it seem like there are a bunch of little twists, keeping the reader on their toes. It was nice that you gave Sita more of a personality. She was pretty bland in the original story. There is only so much you can do to try to modernize an out of date story but I thought you handled it pretty well. Good luck as you finish up your project. I hope everything wraps up nicely with a cute bow!
Hi JoJo, first off, I really enjoyed your story, what can I say I am a sucker for a good romantic story. I have always been intrigued regarding Sita and Rama, and their evolution through each story in a different way. I really enjoy your interpretation of their journey together because Sita does become a more productive figure by standing up to Rama, and shows she is a powerful women in the process. I also really appreciate your use of detail and description with Sita, as this made the story much more interesting than her normal character would have in some of the original tales. The only note I would have is to add more on the Rama and Sita story, and that is just because I would like to read more about them and their new progression as characters you have started compared to their original states in the tales. Other than that, I think you have done a great job and I am excited to see more from you and what story comes out of it!
ReplyDeleteHey Jojo! I read your Sita’s revenge story and really liked it! I liked how you really highlighted Rama’s character flaw by keeping the part where he banishes Sita out of concern for her purity. This part of the Ramayana really annoyed me because it was a classic case of male insecurities screwing with a woman’s life. I was really happy to see in your versions sita did not cry or mourn her relationship with Rama, but instead sought out revenge. I will say the story ended kind of abrupt as I was looking forward to seeing how the two kids were going to screw with Rama’s life. Maybe this can be another story in your project!
ReplyDeleteHey Jojo! I always enjoy reading your story book! I love reading about Rama and Sita because they are my favorite stories to read. They have so many different stories that portrays them as an idol or betrayal. And I am a sucker for reading love stories or plot twists! I read your recent story, Sita’s Revenge, and I loved it! I mostly liked the pictures you put in your post because it made it a little funny. I honestly hate how Rama sees Sita as an object and it sucks, but I am glad Sita stood up for herself. I enjoy the amount of details you provided and what was happening. I can tell the transitions in your story and it was getting more intense to read. Your stories are always great to read, so keep up the good work! Maybe I would recommend adding dialogue in your story, but overall, you did great!
ReplyDeleteHey Joanna!
ReplyDeleteI like the images you chose for your stories as they seem to reflect them well, especially the beautiful banner image on your second story. The pages of the book curling into a heart to signify a love story is being written is really neat. For your last story, the bottom image is a little blurry, and since its a screenshot from the video, I am not sure how you could enhance it (only a minor detail though as I could still make it out). I really like how you tend to modernize your characters and dialogue in all of your story renditions, and so I enjoyed your version of Sita and Rama falling in love. I especially like that you made sure Rama had to fall in love with Sita's heart instead of just her appearance! In your second story, the only thing I would say is that I was left wondering what exactly Sita did to help her sons rule, and especially how they got rid of the great Rama. Of course, you may have purposefully left it vague like a cliffhanger, but I would love to know exactly what happened. Looking forward to seeing what story you include next!
Hi Jojo!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your take on Rama and Sita's love story. It puts a great feminist spin on the original, and allows the reader deeper insight into Sita's character. I also really like how you expanded on the relationship between Sita and her father. This is never really explored in the Ramayana, and given that her father makes one of the most important decisions of her life for her, it is definitely worth exploring their interactions.
A few comments:
-I love the way you describe Rama's vision of Sita, particularly the eyes "like pools of honey"
-You might want to establish the setting of the garden before launching into the interaction that happens there
-It seems odd that Sita would use the formal word "sir" when initially addressing Rama in the garden, considering she does not perceive him as a respectful man
-The word "dating" at the end seemed a little out of place; you might consider something that fits with the time period of the rest of your story such as "courting"
Jojo,
ReplyDeletePerhaps it is my dark sense of humor, but I love the stories in this class that explore extreme alternative endings. Although your first two stories have revised endings, your third story, Sita’s Revenge, fall nicely into the middle of the extreme category. The cartoon picture and zombie title banner you used was a good visual introduction to support your narrative. Calling out Rama’s attitude toward Sita and allowing her character to react to the situation as an individual instead of letting it define her as the original story did was great. You expressed some imaginative ideas on how the story may have played out. It reminded me a little of the fall of Breaking Bad’s Walter White in the sense that Sita’s dilemma stemmed from a genuinely innocent reaction to a horrible situation. Like Walter White, horrible circumstances forced her into a situation where morality was supplanted by the will to survive as an individual who controlled their own fate to the largest degree possible. Somewhere in that darkness is a redeemable trait. Great job.
Hello there, Jojo!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really like the look of your project website! The pictures and the general aesthetic are both very appealing and I like that they change depending on the story. However, this week we are supposed to focus on your author's note for project feedback, so I read your "Desperate Times" story followed by the authors note. I want to start by saying what a great story! It is exciting and interesting, and you are certainly a skilled writer. I also want to say great job with the author's note! I have seen a lot of people put their author's note at the beginning of their story, which often gives away plot points and disrupts the overall reading experience. The placement and content of your author's note are both very effective. I also like that you shared your intentions with the story- this made me want to read it again and observe those characteristics! Great job!
Hi Jojo!
ReplyDeleteWow I loved your story about Sita's revenge! What a fun and unique twist you put on the story. I like how you were able to change such a HUGE part of the story and still make it align well with the original plot. How creative of you! I agree with you when you say that you were annoyed with Rama, I honestly think this version is more what he deserves. Sita really got the short end of the stick in the original version. Also I appreciated your author's note because I felt like it was a great length to give us enough background and reasoning on why you wrote your story the way you did but it also wasn't so long that I didn't want to finish it. I also appreciate how you were able to get a picture from the short film that so perfectly aligns with your story's plot! Even if it was so different from the original. Very creative. I thought you used great detail throughout your entire story to really immerse the reader in what they were reading about. Such a fun read! Great job, I hope I get to read more of your stories in the future.
Hi Jojo!
ReplyDeleteThe Rama and Sita story is so interesting because it really depends how you look at it. You can see it as a story of betrayal, one-sided love story, even sexist. On the other hand, it can exemplify true love because of the lengths people go to prove it. Even in this class I've enjoyed reading the different versions because I see a perspective I did not before. Taking a modern approach makes these ancient tales a bit more relatable. We can critique the ancient story, but ultimately those were the customs back then. I am sure in the future some of our "modern" stories will be critiqued because they do not match the customs of the future. Taking a plot twist is great because no one really knows what to expect and they have to read to find out. Your humor approach reminds us readers of the range of emotions we are capable of . Overall it was a fun read! Hopefully I will get to read more in the future!